Dichotomies

while haphazard music floats in the background
like a cheap whore made up to draw another one in
here I am with another man and another beer

how many men has it been and when will it ever
cease

Men seek women to feel younger
but why does every man
just make me feel older
and weaker

I've had men for breakfast, lunch and dinner
sometimes supper
I've had men when single
I've had men when attached
I've loved my men and left them all the same

This one tonight
He's much much older while I'm in my minted twenties, or so I'd like to think
God knows why he's here with me
wearing his nose so straight never seen before in a Chinese man
He has bright eyes
wide eyes
but his eyes are their eyes all the same

I stopped
thinking about the pain
which has always lured the men into believing
they could play the whole Messiah thing with me
the moment he
spoke of how his brilliance
could have possibly demolished others in their younger selves


I wanted to say,
and I deeply felt
sorry
and I do wish you had gotten married,
intention is more than enough to last a lifetime
even if you get divorced later
But I honestly didn't give a damn
and was sure by then neither did you

You gave me a few buddy slaps in between laughs
but we didn't toast
Just ask me do you want to sleep together
Just tell me we don't have to be together
in any way possible
I honestly gave a damn
and was sure by then you didn't