this is one of life's biggest mystery- where this ever disappeared to

picture update

Schnaps

Artsch and crafsch

there's nothing to be afraid
of


departures

it is more of
after sharing the same space and expired air
hearing the same tictocs and heartbeats that assure
that hearts
and time are in sync,
that leaves everything else prior to that shattered

what is this strange swelling rising up in the throat
that feels
so so so

heavy

and missing is worse than hate
and missing is an emotion worse than
shame or guilt or embarrassment or failure

all these take a back seat when they take a back seat
and these words could simply be one of those things to look back on and think nothing of,
yet this is now
and terrible is the impending missing

To be able to want and have in a heartbeat
and for that to be normal and not a formal luxury
or something to have to hold out forever for

if that is too much to ask for
or if it is possible to ask for at all

I wish I had a You
with your expensive stiff collars in all colours and prints
and a metal spoon
a typhoon in your coffee
and a You who would never leave me

or would leave
only to return to me

and you would smoke with me on lonely afternoons
creating dreams out of smoke
creating dreams

of one who would never leave
except to chase after me

in these clouds of smoke we build the construction you love
scaffolding, bricks,
metal frames
that will hold up

these dreams of a You
hauling back to me