Transparency Can Be Obtained at the Counter- Jonathan Lim

Transparency Can Be Obtained at the Counter
said the sign
so i stepped up and asked for some
it was easier than i thought.
she didnt even look up-
her heavy perm weighed her down perhaps
her eyes downcast but the lashes stood proud
her fingers fumbled busily through fashion
or possibly food

'How many shits you want?'

No more less than i've had so far,
i thought

But didnt say so-
im not so insolent
and she seemed too tired to care

i thought too long
and missed my turn
she rolled again
'How many transparency you want?'

in another place i would have said

'Just enough to need no secrets
to live in the light
to act in the open
and sleep under the stars
without qualm or wolfworry
sufficient to look through each other's eyes
and see the them inside
and the me them sees
To speak clear
not caring to be heard
but to have spoken
to be like waterglassair
not colored like childmarbles
or tinted rose or syrupy sweet'

but that in another place only
there that day was her
looking like she didnt care less what i thought
perhaps no one had asked her for transparencies in a long while
and they were dusty
filmed in i dont care
coated in god alone knows dont ask me i said already
i dounch know you still so kaypoh why dont
you leave me alone somebody pay you to kachao me is it my life
guailan lah please leave me alone

stop looking i transparent is it?

and she wasnt and didnt want to be
sitting there as opaque as she could make herself
undeniable as a mountain
unhurtable as the sidewalk we splatter
no seeing through her
no thorugh way

the queue was stretching longer
filled with lives shortening

hurry up
were they wanting to buy transparencies too?
wish they luck

'Two shits. Thanks.
Keep the rest for yourself.'

She didnt look up.

- Jonathan Lim, "Transparency Can Be Obtained at the Counter" from Capsule