After This

Since virtuous women do not
underline their eyes,
I stopped bracketing mine with kohl.
Then I found someone
to unwind my hair
because curls are said to be
bad luck and defiance.
Chemicals broke
the bonds of waves,
the only known way to
subdue dominant genes.
Later I stayed
out of the sun,
remembering the women on television
who are always beautiful,
are also
always fair.
I learned to swallow
driving directions,
even after thirty minutes on the road
and the destination is still
awaiting discovery.
Once in a while, I make
a big show of
filial piety.


I can imagine after this,
I am finally beautiful.
I am accepted,
even desired
by men, their mothers,
my father's family
who will forget
what they once deemed
as a by-product of betrayal,
an anomaly.
This is not me,
but soon I will be
everyone's ideal:
Passive but beautiful,
Unheard but opinionated.
I will love them back
even if
they can only love a manufactured possibility.