5
School 2004
I suggested we could both drink
since I didn't smoke
She did both
We were young, we were prematurely tired of this life
17, 18, and we already had a death wish
Maybe this was it

Graduation 2007
There's wasn't a personal need for a certificate
But the government suggested it

6
Smoking by the lake,
I would have given a hundred blowjobs by now
I'm here once again
The lights are too bright
The music is too loud
The boys are still foreign, I wonder
if they'd still be, if they grow up into men
and will they ever accept me or understand

At least the smoke never stops spiralling
into airy strings and schtings
as long as I never stop lighting up
as long as I never stop smoking

But I never stop wondering how it'd be
to be sectioned out into bits of flesh and blood
a powerful vacuum to void me
of identity

Would my star of hands still reach out for that hope
I never see after these years?
I could have been the brother

I almost had
I might have prefered that