chronicling sadness

January: Happy New Year
I have never felt this tired
or this relieved
of seeing blood dripping all over the table for the nth time

December: Merry Christmas
Feel like I'm sinking down to die by myself
feel like a million pounds sinking in the Atlantic ocean
before disintegrating into nothing but part of the oceanic habitat

September: two months to 23
Sadness bleeds into every air molecule that I inhale and exhale
And I still possess the curiousity to wonder if
I will ever be alright

And if this is this how my years will be spent
waiting for the ounce of a second
taken into wastage of a passing and my thoughts out on this page,
with no one to read or understand

June: Happy birthday, my dear sister
In this life
everyone has kindly lent me a helping hand
to meander along this trecherous disease melting febrile in my head

March: the first quarter
In my alternate reality, I justify this fuckedness by telling people
they dont know me,
they dont bear this shame nor
wear these chains.

January: Happy New Year
Another one of those silent unrelentless nights
Me and the eloquence of music to fill up this internal silence

This how I will spend my nights filtering into the mornings:
In front of my computer screen,
submitting my thoughts to expressional tangibility,
brain cells lysing

my soul
evaporating into static radiating from the LCD